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The Quarantea: Emily's Tinder Adventures Part 2

 

 

 

Hi sweet readers!

I’m back with more quaran-TEA! How is my life? Is it currently 8:30am on a Monday? And do I have a… guest showering while I write this? Perhaps. 

Updates:

Guy 1: The one who sent the unworthy dick pics? Well, need I say more? That was it, obviously we didn’t move on from there.

Guy 2:  Remember the one who was way too into anal? Well, actually, he’s quite sweet, but that’s the only update I can give you, I think we had one more call after last time and that was it. 

Guy 3: The one from the store? GHOSTED 

Guy 4: He occasionally slides into my DMs and gives lovely compliments, but that’s about it.

Guy 5: The one with the kitten? No kitten! So, alas, no future. GIRL BYE. 

And where is my dating life now? Currently: still on Tinder I’m afraid - but thriving! After my previous article, I met the sweetest man from the UK (met as in exchanged numbers and Facetimed). Our first call may have involved a lot of wine and I may or may not have broken a glass (Shh! Do NOT tell my roommates). 

This one - let’s call him Matt - is the best ever. We Facetime maybe twice a week and update each other on our lives, watch horror movies together on Netflix party (we would not recommend Wounds - it’s terrible), and we may have disgustingly sweetly discussed adopting two dogs together and moving to Canada. We constantly talk to each other. Potential foreign love affair? Maybe. Would it make a great rom-com? Definitely. 

While we are on the topic of foreign men, let me introduce you to a few I have had the pleasure of meeting (I am using the term meeting very loosely here, we have unfortunately only ever virtually met). 

Zach: the American from Thailand (Hi Zach if you are reading this). We managed to play 20 Questions over Instagram DMs, which was very cute and he emailed me a hand-written letter! Hand-written! I am yet to reply, and Zach I’m so sorry, but I probably never will (honesty is always the best policy).

There was the most gorgeous Mexican man (Mexican men just hit different, is that just me? Is it because I have never met any men from Mexico before?) and WOW. His accent was incredible - I could honestly listen to him talk all day.

I find myself quite busy now-a-days, so the time I actually spend on the Tinder app isn’t much, but, I still have my top five hit up lines to share with you. 

1. 'Em! First thing you’re gonna do after lockdown? Aside from me?'

2. 'You’re at the store shopping, going about your business, getting your favourite food. You see me in the distance, my arm filled with limes; I walk past you and stumble, spilling all of my limes. My face burns bright red as I scramble on the ground fumbling to pick up my limes but, too little avail, continue dropping them. You being a good soul you are, bend down and assist me. I nervously laugh and say "Sorry, I am bad at pick up limes."'

3. 'Don’t know you but I want to' (Simple but effective)

4. 'Did it hurt when you feel from heaven? Only reason I'm asking is because I really want to get touched by an angel.'

5. 'You look like you could be my next obsession and I'm perfectly fine with that'


Yours truly,

Emily

 

 

Do you have any Quarantea that you'd like to share with the team? Feel free to email us your Tinder horror stories to cappuccinothemag@gmail.com, or send us adventures and we'll post them anonomously, unless you give us permission! Be sure to stay updated with us via Instagram!

 

 






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